Five Miserable Things about Observing

A month ago, I volunteered to observe at College Central Regionals. Well, not really. I was solicited by the head observer -- and yes, I deliberately chose that verb.

When asked to be an observer, I stated, "I'd love to but ______." In hindsight, I regretted using the phrase "I'd love to" because the UPA very convincingly countered my "but" and I got locked in. Still, I do love giving back to ultimate, so I went ahead with it. But it did make me realize the UPA does way too little for its observers, given these reasons:

1. Missing a Game-to-Watch
   Being a Minnesota alumnus, half the reason I go to Regionals is to watch those G Ducks play big games. Problem being, during important rounds, I'm tied up observing another game since I'm exempt from "officiating" any Minnesota game. But to generalize, tournaments requiring observers naturally have a lot of good games. It sucks observing a blow-out 7 fields away from the game everyone is watching. Sometimes the biggest expense is not the travel costs, but what you don't get to see ... which brings me to ...
   
   
2. The Compensation Sucks
   Your expenses are reimbursed -- sometimes. I did receive reimbursement this year, but last year I wasn't given a nickel because I hadn't been told receipts were required for any reimbursements (yeah yeah, I guess I should have known that). It should also be noted that the UPA did not reimburse me. It was a Luther College employee associated with organizing the tournament. No additional compensation was offered. I realize ultimate is a volunteer-run activity, but observing is one of the volunteer positions held to a very high level of standards and accountability, despite the fact that it is a volunteer position ... which brings me to ...
   
   
3. Getting Bitched At
   If you think it's fun to be approached and rebuked by complete strangers, then by all means, I highly recommend becoming a UPA Certified Observer. Yes, it has happened to me a couple times. And no it's not just irrelevant people with valueless opinions committing this act of wanton disrespect. Sometimes it's a Callahan Award winner. And even if you get a call 100% right, it may not matter given the nature of the rules ... which brings me to ...
   
   
4. Over-Complicated/Ambiguous Rules
   For those that think the rules of ultimate are easy, I applaud you. You are obviously someone of infinite wisdom. The rules are lengthy, in large part subjective, and occasionally ambiguous. In fact, there's only one portion of the rules that is considered objective, which brings me to . . .
   
   
5. Sidelines
   The only active call an observer makes is in/out. When there is a need for observers, there is generally a similar need for lined fields, but not always. And if they are indeed lined, but it had been raining on Friday and Saturday, the lines -- and objectivity -- are washed away by Sunday. And even if the lines are in great condition, roughly 2/3 of the spectators and players make no effort to stay off the playing field while the disc is live in order to get a good look at a play near the sideline. This is most true when there's a close play on the sideline and the observer's perspective is critical.
   

All of these problems are correctable, by the way. And I don't know if the UPA (or anyone) is pro-actively doing anything about it. Ugh ... the UPA. Anyone want to tell me what they are really doing except running a championship and recruiting more members?

On a somewhat related note, I realized our sport has virtually no chance at mass spectator-appeal in its current state while I was on the field for the greatest game in Central Regionals history: Wisconsin vs Iowa, Saturday semi-finals. I have one idea that will at least begin to steer us in the right direction. My next post will provide more details and I'm going to need help. Stay tuned.

User-Generated Content

User-generated content saved the internet:



Now if it could also save lives! Yikes.

T-shirt designers wanted, Brains not required

Oh ... so I suppose you think this is clever:

You, Mr. Poorly Crafted Novelty T-shirt Designer Guy, are the im-peach-ED one.

Impeached by me.

Soda Can Synch

Brilliant:



Hopkins Hustle is tomorrow. Come out to Maple Plain and support Youth Ultimate!

True Sportsmanship

Once in a while I get tired of the myopic, sanctimonious belief in the ultimate community that it is somehow intrinsically superior to other sports. Don't get me wrong, I love ultimate with a passion that runs deeper than a cold Minnesota Winter invades Spring, but the sheer nature of ultimate does not invoke a greater spirit of sportsmanship than other sports.

In fact, in the last several months, I've been hearing sportsmanship stories far more compelling than anything that's happened in ultimate ever. Today in the Strib, there's a story of a girl whose opponents contributed to their own elimination of the playoffs by carrying her around the base pads after she hit her first career home run.

With two runners on base and a strike against her, Sara Tucholsky of Western Oregon University uncorked her best swing and did something she had never done, in high school or college. Her first home run cleared the center-field fence.

But it appeared to be the shortest of dreams come true when she missed first base, started back to tag it and collapsed with a knee injury.

She crawled back to first but could do no more. The first-base coach said she would be called out if her teammates tried to help her. Or, the umpire said, a pinch runner could be called in, and the homer would count as a single.

Then, members of the Central Washington University softball team stunned spectators by carrying Tucholsky around the bases Saturday so the three-run homer would count -- an act that contributed to their own elimination from the playoffs.

Now that's a story.

Anybody experienced anything like that at an ultimate tourney? I'm really curious.

April Tools

First, Google is pulling a pretty funny today-prank by claiming you will soon be able to send mail with a timestamp in the past -- you know, for when you forgot to send grandma her birthday email.

A testimonial from an investment banker

"I used to be an honest person; but now I don't have to be. It's just so much easier this way. I've gained a lot of productivity by not having to think about doing the 'right' thing."

My grandma actually uses email. I wonder if that's common.

---

Hemingway supposedly claimed his best work was a six word story: "For sale: baby shoes, never worn." If he didn't say it, I gladly will.

Wired had some authors write six word stories, but none are even in the same league as Hemingway's. My favorite: "whorl. Help! I'm caught in a time" by Darren Aronofsky and Ari Handel.

I now officially lead the way for a new Mixed team, which will largely consist of former Moes. The story?

"Electing defaults takes way too long."

Scary!

In case you haven't been scared in a long time!



Imagine being in the woods. Alone. And hearing that motor-grinding noise get louder and louder. Closer and closer. Chills.

Pretty sure that thing is eventually going to destroy us all.

That said, it's going to be fucking awesome to watch until we all die.

Dear John Madden

Long snapper Ethan Albright wrote a letter to John Madden complaining about his status as the lowest ranked player in the game (thanks Ells and Rahil). It's genius ... and crass ... and genius. A snippet:

You make it sound like I wake up in the morning, helplessly shit and piss myself, then lose three of my teeth before I discover that I am trying to eat a rock for breakfast.

Long snappers are funny. Mike "the Superstar" Morris has made a career on sports talk radio here in the Midwest on KFAN repeating the line "I'll pop your head like a pimple" over and over until they gave him his own morning show. I wish it were that easy.

Ultimate related, RSD is now just a bunch of people antagonizing two guys. Maybe it's been that way all along.

In other news, I'm getting an arm phone, except mine is going to display as a hologram. Of a wolf. That's right. I'm getting a talking wolf hologram arm phone.

Think of it man. It's fucking brilliant.

Hopkins Fundraiser

First, I'd be remiss if I didn't mention that a news story with a wicked title like "Scientists collect mysterious creatures in Antarctic waters including giant sea spiders" had damn well better include pictures. Because it didn't, it lost all credibility with me.

In other news, Hopkins Ultimate is having a fundraiser on Monday, February 25, 2008 at the St. Louis Park Chili's from 4:00-10:00 p.m.

5245 Wayzata Blvd
St Louis Park, MN 55416

After your meal, you'll need to drop your receipt in a box to be counted toward the fundraising effort. Please talk to you server about it. Your support is appreciated!

Where's the best ultimate?

Thanks to google trends, you can kind of get an idea of where ultimate is the most popular:



That's a list of the popularity of the search term "ultimate frisbee" by city. The only surprise on the list for me is Philly. I'd expect Pittsburgh to be above them -- especially given the success of their high school and college teams.

Ottawa might surprise a few folks, but they have the largest rec league in the world. The league even owns their own fields. It surprises me that they don't have better club teams coming out of there every year, but I think that's changing (GOAT has some Ottawa players, and just this past weekend, their college women's team won Trouble in Vegas).

Then you've got the Pacific Northwest dominating the 2, 3, 4 spots.

I'm a little surprised Minneapolis hasn't got that 5th spot. With Minnesota's college team always in the mix, Carleton a powerhouse, the high school league in the state is one of the best, and a greatly organized group of rec leagues, I'd expect Denver and Toronto to take a back seat.

Given leagues, club teams, college teams, etc, excluding internet related data, here are my top 10 ultimate cities:

1. Seattle
2. Ottawa
3. Minneapolis
4. Portland
5. Vancouver
6. Boston
7. Denver
8. Atlanta
9. Madison
10. Pittsburgh

Hawaii Chair Follow Up

I can hardly wait for mine to arrive.

Your secret Facebook friend

I love Facebook. I send Facebook status updates, pictures, and videos via my mobile phone. I enter hilariously unique little stories about how we hooked up in 1993 in the friend details section. I have a horrible record at poke wars, Scrabulous, and Roshambull. I'm even writing a Facebook application that's going to help every ultimate player. And I now get more happy birthday wishes than ever before.

But one thing I'll never do is accept a Facebook friend request from the CIA.

Turns out I wasn't given the option.

Really, I swear to god about this, I'm NOT a conspiracy guy. I think the UFO people are whackjobs. I'd punch a guy too if I walked on the moon and he called me a fraud. And these 9/11 loose change chowderheads have, in addition to their change, lost their marbles.

That said, in the list of names on the Board of Trustees at In-Q-Tel, you'll find Howard Cox's name. What's In-Q-Tel? An investment firm launched by the CIA in 1999 whose goal it is to fulfill the technical needs of the "Intelligence Community."

And what about Howard Cox? He's an Advisory Partner for Greylock, a company that invested $25 million into Facebook at a very critical time for them.

Chills.

Anybody want to go UFO hunting?

Guide to the Super Bowl

The author of this blog has learned that the Super Bowl took place last Sunday. I've been watching a lot of highlights from the show and can't find Brett Favre anywhere. I'll keep looking and report back, but I'm really starting to think that the Packers didn't make it in.


From other internet reports, here's what else evidently happened:

1. The NFL had to show Peyton Manning in his suite a lot to make up for him not being in every single commercial.
   
   
2. In an effort to appeal to a younger audience, the halftime show stayed away from such aged rockers as Mick Jagger (Super Bowl XL act) and went with Tom "young enough to be Jagger's girlfriend's father" Petty.
   
   
3. The shirt below is impossible to order right now. Apparently fans of the game really love the number 17. Google sheds no light on the reason.
   
   
   
   
4. The upset victory proved to Mike Huckabee that this presidential race isn't over until it's over!
   

   "Everybody thought [The Patriots] were on the way to a perfect season. The Giants had a different idea about it. "

   It's a very legitimate comparison in every way but one: Dude doesn't have the guy who made the greatest Super Bowl catch of all time on his campaign trail, David Tyree:
   
   
   

Meet Randy Newsom

Speaking of putting a contract out on yourself, meet Randy Newsom. He's an MLB prospect with an IPO.

He's selling 4% of all of his future major league earnings for $50k. If you're really really poor and don't have $50k lying around, you can dig $20 out from under your couch cushions to buy a single share.

You can read more about the story to find out this isn't all that uncommon outside of sports. And really, it's not that far off from gambling on the future success of professional athletes' success.

And before you all jump at the chance to invest, I recommend you do a little research. Here's a video to get you started!



It does have me thinking, with business savvy like this, what's he doing trying to be a baseball player for a living?

It's also got me thinking, what in ultimate is worth investing in?

Current buy, sell, hold list in ultimate:

• Buy:
  
• CUT
• matchdiesel.blogspot.com
• cultimate
• Flaming Moe
• Mac Taylor
• Five Ultimate


• Sell:
• The Ultimate Revolution
• Whitewater
• Score Reporter
• NUMP
• Stanford
• Kenny Dobyns


• Hold:
  
• Ultiverse
• Patagonia
• Wisconsin
• UltiVillage
• Michael Arenson

Time to Exercise

Hey ultimate players! The club season is right around the corner. What are you doing to get ready?

If finding motivation is troubling you, try stickk.com. Don't be fooled by the mafia sounding motto, it's really just a cool way to give yourself a reward for achieving a goal. You hand over some dough and they give it back if you accomplish your predetermined outcome goals. If not, the money goes to a charity of your choice.

Cool! Succeed and feel good. Fail and feel good!

That is, unless you use what they call an anti-charity, an organization whose ideals you oppose. Knowing your hard earned cash could end up in the hands of someone like Frank H should get you doing those extra 20 push ups or that extra set of stairs.

The site probably appeals to ultimate players on a greater level than the general public considering referees are optional.

What a brilliant idea. I should have become an economist.

Of course, if you think that kind of motivation a little too outside-the-box, you can always try something more conventional and mainstream, like the Hawaii Chair (NOW $293.96, shipping included!).

Vegas

I wondered if playing an ultimate tournament would change my sleeping habits.

They didn't.

I wondered if I'd be able to leave the 5/10 table at the Bellagio poker room in time to make it to the game on Saturday morning.

I was! But only with enough time to get an hour of sleep.

I wondered what it would cost to have a stripper meet me in a field at 10:00 on a Saturday morning wearing a cheerleading outfit.

Too much.

Saturday, despite being out of shape, having had just one hour of sleep in an uncomfortable chair, having had no breakfast or lunch, and having been dehydrated, I performed better than any day than I played wearing a Van Buren Boys jersey. That fact no doubt reaffirms the Becky/Lou conspiracy, which I'll expand upon in a future post.

Sunday, I had another good day, not as good as the first, but still good.

I had a deep D, one on one, on Hector. I was on the force side, not guarding him, and a huck went off and I tracked it down, muscled for position, and knocked it out of the air with my left hand. I also D'd up Chicken with a half layout on an upline cut to the break side. "Oh, nice D," he said. I did not expect to hear him say that. Especially after receiving a "I don't think so" and a chuckle when I proposed a VBB/Bravo jersey trade to him back in October.

I got scored on twice on the weekend, both were really nice hucks that needed the back line to be toed by the receiver. No thrown goals allowed.

I also had as many point blocks this tourney as I had all season with VBB: two. One was after one of my two turnovers (a bad OI 30 yard throw) on the weekend. The other was against the Colorado squad on game point.

My other turn was into a really good poach by Pokey. And by really good poach, I mean really bad clear by a receiver on the break side. Pokey still made a nice one handed catch D.

I also had 0 drops and 1, maybe 2, nice grabs. 3 thrown goals, 2 received.

Red Bullsworth made the best play I've seen him make yet, with a nice layout, belly flop, painful-looking grab on the break side. It topped his previous best play of eating 4 pounds of lobster by a small margin.

Also, you may have heard that the Monte Carlo went ablaze on Friday. A teammate exchanged these texts with Ells:

Oosh: The monte carlo is on fire dude!
Ells: Literally or figuratively?
Oosh: It's burnin up man!

Thanks, that really cleared things up. When we saw the smoke billowage ourselves, it was finally clear that Oosh hadn't been talking about the dance floor.

On my favorite topic (stupid misunderstandings of the rules), one player called violation this weekend for the apocryphal rule about not being able to speed up your pace as your walking the disc up to the goal line (Rule X.A.). I hate this misconception, but it's one of the biggest. Please, if you're reading this, tell 5 ultimate players that this is not a rule and ask them to tell 5 players as well.

After the point, I was talking with the guy about it:

DB: I'm pretty sure it's a rule.
Lou: It's not. I'm not pretty sure, I'm sure.
DB: Well, I'm pretty sure.
Lou: That's not sure enough to make a call on the field.
DB: It doesn't matter, I guess, because I just fouled the guy anyway to stop him from making any play ... so it's a wash either way.
Lou: You do realize that fouling intentionally is against the rules?
DB: Yes. So?

Ugh. I just walked away at that point.

In one other interesting moment, the Colorado guys hid one of their defenders on the sideline after pulling, making our team believe there was a receiver wide open in the endzone. Upon the huck, the defender easily jogged out to D the disc. That's just dirty.

I like it.

Vegas in Trouble

Now that Papagiorgio is officially going to the club tournament in Vegas this weekend, they have renamed it Vegas in Trouble.

Updates to the logo are forthcoming.

We're having a party at the 4000 square foot mansion we rented. Pools, ultimate players, Ellsworth, Nickels, Vegas. Debauchery guaranteed.

The cultimate guys are staying with us, which is gunna be a blast.

This will be my first real PT since winning Club Nationals. The knees are really no better than they were all season. I've tried doctors, medication, and physical therapy. I'd try prayer, but I've heard it requires kneeling, which seems counterproductive.

I've never gotten a single good night's sleep in while in Vegas. I wonder if playing a tourney will change that. I wonder if I'll be able to leave the 5/10 table at the Bellagio poker room in time to make it to the game on Saturday morning. I wonder what it would cost to have a stripper meet me in a field at 10:00 on a Saturday morning wearing a cheerleading outfit.

The Stiff Arm

Watching the AFC Divisional Playoff, I just saw San Diego running back Michael Turner give Indianapolis free safety Antoine Bethea one hell of a stiff arm. Is there a bigger "F You" in all of sports?



Check out the Best Stiff Arm Ever.

In ultimate, there's the "sky," but unless your receiver's name is Beau, the defender is usually merely an innocent bystander. In Basketball, there's the dunk, but again, generally the defender is victimized by mere proximity rather than direct application of the maneuver.



ETA: ESPN home page had a photo of the same event on their home page, but a slightly better image than my photo of my TV: