April Tools

First, Google is pulling a pretty funny today-prank by claiming you will soon be able to send mail with a timestamp in the past -- you know, for when you forgot to send grandma her birthday email.

A testimonial from an investment banker

"I used to be an honest person; but now I don't have to be. It's just so much easier this way. I've gained a lot of productivity by not having to think about doing the 'right' thing."

My grandma actually uses email. I wonder if that's common.

---

Hemingway supposedly claimed his best work was a six word story: "For sale: baby shoes, never worn." If he didn't say it, I gladly will.

Wired had some authors write six word stories, but none are even in the same league as Hemingway's. My favorite: "whorl. Help! I'm caught in a time" by Darren Aronofsky and Ari Handel.

I now officially lead the way for a new Mixed team, which will largely consist of former Moes. The story?

"Electing defaults takes way too long."

Where's the best ultimate?

Thanks to google trends, you can kind of get an idea of where ultimate is the most popular:



That's a list of the popularity of the search term "ultimate frisbee" by city. The only surprise on the list for me is Philly. I'd expect Pittsburgh to be above them -- especially given the success of their high school and college teams.

Ottawa might surprise a few folks, but they have the largest rec league in the world. The league even owns their own fields. It surprises me that they don't have better club teams coming out of there every year, but I think that's changing (GOAT has some Ottawa players, and just this past weekend, their college women's team won Trouble in Vegas).

Then you've got the Pacific Northwest dominating the 2, 3, 4 spots.

I'm a little surprised Minneapolis hasn't got that 5th spot. With Minnesota's college team always in the mix, Carleton a powerhouse, the high school league in the state is one of the best, and a greatly organized group of rec leagues, I'd expect Denver and Toronto to take a back seat.

Given leagues, club teams, college teams, etc, excluding internet related data, here are my top 10 ultimate cities:

1. Seattle
2. Ottawa
3. Minneapolis
4. Portland
5. Vancouver
6. Boston
7. Denver
8. Atlanta
9. Madison
10. Pittsburgh

Time to Exercise

Hey ultimate players! The club season is right around the corner. What are you doing to get ready?

If finding motivation is troubling you, try stickk.com. Don't be fooled by the mafia sounding motto, it's really just a cool way to give yourself a reward for achieving a goal. You hand over some dough and they give it back if you accomplish your predetermined outcome goals. If not, the money goes to a charity of your choice.

Cool! Succeed and feel good. Fail and feel good!

That is, unless you use what they call an anti-charity, an organization whose ideals you oppose. Knowing your hard earned cash could end up in the hands of someone like Frank H should get you doing those extra 20 push ups or that extra set of stairs.

The site probably appeals to ultimate players on a greater level than the general public considering referees are optional.

What a brilliant idea. I should have become an economist.

Of course, if you think that kind of motivation a little too outside-the-box, you can always try something more conventional and mainstream, like the Hawaii Chair (NOW $293.96, shipping included!).

Vegas in Trouble

Now that Papagiorgio is officially going to the club tournament in Vegas this weekend, they have renamed it Vegas in Trouble.

Updates to the logo are forthcoming.

We're having a party at the 4000 square foot mansion we rented. Pools, ultimate players, Ellsworth, Nickels, Vegas. Debauchery guaranteed.

The cultimate guys are staying with us, which is gunna be a blast.

This will be my first real PT since winning Club Nationals. The knees are really no better than they were all season. I've tried doctors, medication, and physical therapy. I'd try prayer, but I've heard it requires kneeling, which seems counterproductive.

I've never gotten a single good night's sleep in while in Vegas. I wonder if playing a tourney will change that. I wonder if I'll be able to leave the 5/10 table at the Bellagio poker room in time to make it to the game on Saturday morning. I wonder what it would cost to have a stripper meet me in a field at 10:00 on a Saturday morning wearing a cheerleading outfit.

Van Buren Boys Win the UPA Club Championship!

Admittedly, I don't know much about ultimate or how tournaments work, but what I do know is that it's just like my mom always used to say: it's not whether you win or lose, it's how good your timing is when you win.

Dave says "Plan sounds good Kev, I'm in!"

The Van Buren Boys, of course, reinforced this principle in early September by losing 5 games and winning just 2 to finish higher than our initial seed at CHC. I don't think it needs to be said that we planned our entire season around this principle. The ultimate community at large is undoubtedly aware of Kevin's recruiting platform: We're going to put the least amount of required effort, time, and wins into naming the team, designing jerseys, and qualifying for Nationals, but we're going to get it done. Truth be told, most of us were stunned to read Kev's email about practices being scheduled in June and promptly put an end to that kind of thinking by not showing up. After that, we were back to our minimalist approach toward qualifying for Nationals.

Initially, the plan was to win 0 games and qualify, but teams like Zebra Muscles, Mephisto, and Hustle no doubt had heard of our plan, adopted it, and were just simply executing it better than we were early in the season. Plus, the VBB braintrust had been unable to find a 0 wins path to Nationals that didn't include mass disqualifications and they had foolishly put the only guy capable of disqualifying his own team on our roster. Regardless, had a scheme like that been attempted, the UPA evidently no longer disqualifies the entire team for playing an ineligible player in the series, just the captain, and the plan would have failed miserably.

Next step, try to concoct a scheme to win just 1 game at Regionals and qualify. And it nearly worked! The UPA helped out tremendously with this plan by announcing that Regionals would be held in a state that only 8 people have heard of. It was conceivable that all but 1 or 2 other teams would either get lost trying to get there or just stay home. Sadly, 13 other teams showed up and it was time for plan C.

Heading into Regionals, we were 0 for 12 against teams ranked 39th or higher. We knew there were 2 ways we could win just 2 games against similarly ranked teams and get to the big show. One was to beat Machine in pool play and then win in semis, but since we were relatively sure Machine would qualify and that beating them would be, let's face it, hard, we decided on beating top 39 teams on just Sunday. So that's what we did. And our season was unofficially a success.

But we still had 7 games yet to lose.

Photographic evidence of our Championship

Which brings me to the title of this post . . . we won Nationals! Don't ask me how or why, I'm not a great tournament-format mind, but immediately after the last game on Sunday, they clearly announced our name over the loudspeaker, promptly handed us a trophy, and crowned the Van Buren Boys champions, despite losing every single game of the tournament.

No wonder nobody takes this sport seriously.

I'll end the suspense.

CHC was rough. Two wins, five losses and yet we beat our seed. That's winning at the right times.

Tensions were high in the Sub Zero game. At least on their side. I think it was even more unnerving for them to hear that we were at times laughing when they were yelling. Their first goal was close to a clap spike type of catch and arguments ensued. At one point, as a result of a foolish call by one of our players that was to our DISadvantage, one handler of theirs announced loudly to the sidelines his deliberate intent to cheat in retaliation. And of course, Shane did what Shane does best. If you can't beat 'em, injure 'em. We lost by 2, the same amount of drops we had in the endzone.

We were up 8-5 on Frontline, when they caught fire and took 10 of the next 12 points. Winning the first half doesn't seem to bode well for the Van Buren Boys.

I had 3 Ds, 2 goals thrown, 1 received, and 3 throwing turns. I D'd up Truesdale near the goal on a huck and we collided, which took me out for the tourney (though I did play one more point in the game). I couldn't walk without a limp for a week and, 3+ weeks later, the bruise on my thigh is still visible. That's probably the second worst collision I've had in ultimate. I don't think Dave even fell over.

A lackluster Sectionals was filled with a lot of off-the-field fun. The Volley Ball Boys made a Saturday appearance. Saturday night: fires, arrests, an impeccable impersonation of my walk, and super dogs. What else is there?

I had 3 Ds, and 9 goals (7 thrown, 2 received). I think only Wes outscored me (in one game, he had 4 goals received in 5 points played). I had a goal in every game but one. I was perfect on throws until the 7th game. Then I lost focus for a minute and had 2 in one point. On the first, my cutter was wide open and going to the endzone, but stopped his cut right as I threw. Bummer. The second was a backhand huck to the leader of the Wolfpack that the wind pushed out of bounds. And in the finals, I had another throw to him that would have been a goal, but Kevin got a really sweet D on it.

Regionals upcoming and although I'm not conveying it well in this post, I'm ridiculously excited. I've never been so excited for a tournament. Ever. The team excitement level, too, is off the charts. We've got a steep hill to climb, but as the video below proves, nothing is impossible. Plano East is down 41-17, with 3 minutes to go. Be sure to watch it through to the very end.

Droppier by the Lake

After Cooler, it appears the Van Buren Boys have two options:

1. Cross our fingers and hope it doesn't rain at Regionals
2. Cross our fingers and hope it rains at CHC, Sectionals, practice, and Regionals

I'm hoping for option 1.

Writing this now, I'm fearing that I'll run out of synonyms for the word "drop." As a sign of things to come, we dropped a pass on the first point of the tournament and continued to fumble with regularity throughout the weekend. As a team, I've noticed we fail to catch easy passes with higher frequency than our opponents, but this past weekend, we did it (to borrow an expression from my mom) like it was going out of style.

So ... why? I have many many thoughts on the matter, but with the growing number of Sub Zero, Machine, and BAT "spies" eying this blog, that information will present itself in a less public forum.

I can't believe I'm censoring my blog, but it's got me thinking that we'll probably only ever see any seriously relevant information trickling down from the Sockeyes and Furiouses of the ultimate world 5 years after it's obsolete.

In addition to the rising stock in Dropsie Corp. (copyright K. Seiler), we had other weaknesses that were exacerbated in the rain, but our defense remained very strong. No doubt, we were the strongest defensive team in Delafield. Hmm, maybe that's presumptuous given that I didn't get to watch Kablammo en route to their Mixed B Division Championship. Regardless, no team outplayed us on defense. I fully expect that trend to continue.

Personally, I played OK. The line: 5 turns, 6 thrown goals, 2 received goals, and (ugh) 0 defenses. The lowlight is that I had 66% of the team's total turnovers early on. My turns:

• Backhand to BJ that did not bounce because I was throwing downwind (stupidity)
• Backhand to Man Crush that did not bounce for same reasons (extreme stupidity)
• Forehand huck that went sideways and directly into the crowd (wet disc, weak grip)
• Backhand huck that floated forever (could have done without the hitting myself on the back swing)
• Backhand huck that got footblocked loudly and theatrically
  

On the positive end, I laid out on O once on an upline cut and caught the disc left-handed (something I'm not all that good at). Again, 0 drops. I shut down a TON of dumps, at least half, maybe as much as 2/3. I never got scored on and the guy I was marking never threw a goal. In the Machine game, my guy only touched the disc once, but it got sent back because he wouldn't admit the disc hit the ground before he caught it.

Awards list:

• Biggest Ho award: Mike Lun, for his inspirational lay out callahan in the Madison game that should have pumped us up enough to make a comeback win.
• Boob award: Becky, for his extraordinary leaving of Milwaukee with all of Gibbs's stuff and most of Smellsworth's stuff.
• Biggest Saver award: Lou, for his outstanding receipt of a "one free chain with purchase of chainsaw" coupon.
• Doege award: Karl Doege, for his notable performance in persistence despite being told "save it for the 18 year olds" and "don't you ever fucking do that to me again" at the bar.
• Lead Foot award: Smellsworth, for his unbelievable speeding down of a hucked disc that looked like he didn't have a chance to D, but did. (Honorable mention: Lou, for getting pulled over by a sheriff after being clocked at 47 in a 25).
• Sport Bean award: Joe Nickels, for his outstanding efforts in defense and exemplary usage of electrolytes.

I have more to say, but this has been in draft format since August 17. It's time to post.

Nice Try

The artist and player formerly known as The Baron already wrote a masterful summary of the Van Buren Boys experience at MUDI. I know all of you are dying for more, so here we go.

First, I'd be remiss if I didn't mention how I wish this tournament's name hadn't changed to MUDI. Every time I say or hear it, I think of the "I say tomato" song: "I say Muddy. You say Moody." I know it can't be Aquatennial anymore, but I just wish Greggae would have found some loophole and named it something like Aqua Ten Event Loophole (a.k.a. Aqua Ten E.L.).

My fingers can hardly keep up with all my thoughts of the good things about this weekend. Again, just a solid, all around, fun-having weekend.

Friday night, Amesians and Kansians arrived at my house for dinner. I never use canned sauces for my pasta anymore and I think it surprised a lot of people to see me making a homemade sauce. That pleased me. As did hearing that people liked it. I immensely enjoy cooking for people. Making the mini pizzas at Nationals was one of the coolest parts of the trip for me last year. Anyway, we ate, then others showed up and we took a walk down the street for pool, darts, NBA Jam, Buck Hunter, Karaoke, and Gibbler's strip tease.

We met our expectations of Saturday victories, going 4 for 4. We had the perfect game, no goals scored on us, 0 turns. TBA and Ding Wop both gave us a little more than we thought they had. And then the St. Cloud young team scored one on us ... er, okay okay, scored one on me.

On the day, I had 4 D's, though Becknasty kindly pointed out that one of them kind of came right to me. I got scored on once, the only goal in our 13-1 win. I threw 5 goals and caught 1. Zero turnovers.

Saturday night, I saw Rosco's place for the first time. What a cool house! For a while, we sat in front of a campfire listening to fireworks (note: not as cool as watching them). I regaled teammates with stories of the Tranny Patrol, my old magic days, and shared an exact figure of how much I lost on those two hands of poker while we counted out chip stacks. Kevin killed me at poker with his notably disciplined hand selection. Wimer then buried our team early in a game of spades with some extravagant bidding so Kevin got to win .... again.

Sunday morning, my man crush and I drove out to the fields on our way to face Goose Egg. I said to him, "we better be careful with them, they can beat us if we don't take it seriously." Sure enough, they go up on us 5-2, then 6-3. We fight our way back to 11-11 and Kev calls some big lines to lead us to the win. I had 0 D's in this game, a few shut downs on the dump, and allowed one thrown goal by J-Rod. Again, 0 turns.

And now for the get-to-know-ya portion of my blog:

• If you weren't there for it at Rosco's, I revealed to everyone that in high school, I performed magic for cub scouts, third grade classes, and the like. When challenged about the authenticity of my story, I proceeded to fail at a few flourishes with a plastic deck. Once I got my hands on a Bicycle deck, however, I was truly, extraordinarily, amazingly impressive with my 4 types of one handed cuts and 0 magic tricks demonstrated.
  

Madison was next. Maybe they were fatigued from their one point win against Climax, but they put up no fight at all. I got 0 D's. Twice, though, I poached well that resulted in a wild throw for a turnover. I also turned it over for the first time in this game. Then again the next point I played. I made a really poor decision on the first one on a swing to Rob and on the second, I tried to hurry it into Joe's hands in the endzone, only to overthrow him by about 3 field lengths.

And then, the long-awaited Sub Zero game. I'd never played in front of such a large crowd before. Ding Wop played Sub Zero in the sectional final in 05, but the crowd size was not as large or as interested. I think players in the region had been anticipating this game as much as we had. One, they wanted to see if Van Buren is for real, and two, they apparently wanted to see Sub Zero lose, quite reminiscent of Come Inside Where It's Warm.

We pull. Two throws later, Jimmy's huge block of Todd Owen's huck attempt can be heard from fields away and is echoed with a thunderous roar from the crowd. We pick up, and a few throws later, we're in the endzone with an upwind break on the first point. Again, the crowd is roaring.

We pull. Same line for us, but this time, Zero methodically works it up the field and scores on an upline cut. The crowd is deafeningly silent. Even though we had talked about it in the huddle about how there were a lot of people wanting to see us win, it wasn't until Sub Zero scored that it became obvious just how lopsidedly the support favored VBB.

Up 7-6 and receiving with the wind at our backs, fatigue had set in. Sub breaks us twice to take half and to return to serve. And the remainder of the game was much of the same. They go on an 8-2 run to win 13-9. Their depth dominated us. As it probably should have; they had a larger roster and have had just a few more practices than us.

Some highlights from the game:

• Jimmy's block of Todd Owens
  
• Charlie's eruption of "it's down it's down it's down!" followed immediately by a calm "oh, okay" with a what-did-I-do look on his face when told that it was up in an equally eruptive manner
  
• Ben's hand block of Todd
• Karsten catching everything
  
• Todd's gratuitous air spike following a play in which he was not even remotely involved
  
• Ross faking the air spike, in mockery of Todd, followed by a 90 second ovation by the crowd

Personally, I didn't do a whole lot, except try really hard and shut down 3 dumps. I had a small layout catch to save a dump. I laid out 3 other times. Two were really really close ones that I thought were all mine when I saw them go up, but missed them by inches. The third was just a desperate, try-to-be-a-distraction-to-cause-a-drop attempt (the one time I got scored on). Again, 0 turns.

On the weekend, I had just 2 turns, 0 drops, 2 received goals allowed, 1 thrown goal allowed, 4 D's, 6 goals, and a bunch of "nice try's." The layout I had underneath while I was guarding Truesdale was probably my best in 2 years, only I missed the D. Regardless of the outcome, it felt amazing. In general, my body is doing great. No soreness, a little fatigue (especially since Fridays are my hardest workout day right now), but 10% of my skin is decomposing somewhere on the field with all the horse manure. After being denied a cortisone shot from the Doc last Tuesday, he gave me a different NSAID to replace the 1600 mg of ibuprofin I normally take on tournament days and my knees feel brand new. No doubt, my ability to play at a higher level than I have a long time was a result of the pain-free running. I left the fields wanting to play MORE because I hadn't driven home from ultimate in about 2 years without a throbbing right knee.

If this post bored you, replace "right knee" with the body part of your choice and comment with "nice try."

The Proactive UPA

To answer George's question regarding how can RC's (and indirectly, the UPA) be more proactive, I have a few undeveloped ideas. I think the biggest thing they can do is not only remove any financial risks assumed by the tournament directors, but also help them profit.

I think long gone are the days of players resenting other players making a buck off of ultimate -- given the service provided is of a high quality. Look no further than Rob of UltiVillage for evidence of that fact. The guy is obviously turning a profit, else he'd have given it up long ago. Either that, or he's got a sugar mama and is the hardest working volunteer in ultimate.

I have no idea how much Rob is making, nor do I care, nor has any real resentment toward the profit he's making amassed. Why? Because he's providing an extremely valued product. We players value PT, probably more than video footage, which is why I've never really heard much backlash against steep tournament fees (at least not for a couple years). Even Potlatch, the world's biggest and most expensive (from a registration fee perspective) tournament, no longer has "why is the registration fee so expensive?" on their FAQ page. I guess it's not asked very frequently anymore.

Of course, they do publish their $5k+ deficit budget, so maybe that's why no one's asking.

Regardless of the profiting, let's face it, tournament fees are the smallest of the tournament expenses for individuals. I typically spend $20+ on travel, $40+ on food, and $20+ on lodging. Yes, I've spent less than that at tournaments. At some point, every ultimate player has put 7 people and all their gear in one minivan, only to meet another car at the hotel to share one room that by Sunday morning makes you wish you were in a gas station restroom because you need relief from the odor. But now, I'm employed and prefer to sleep without feet next to my head and on a soft surface. As such, being that my club team is 14+ players, it's rare to see my share of the tournament fee more than $20.

With that in mind, after having a conversation with Greg Williams over the weekend, I know he's lost a lot of money over the years putting on tournaments. And I know he's not alone. It's a lot of work and a lot of risk. The UPA needs to assuage that risk to promote the likelihood that a TD will step up and run a good tournament AND not lose any of his or her personal money. Frankly, it's ridiculous for the UPA to ask a person to put dozens of hours into a thankless job that will also potentially leave his or her wallet hundreds of dollars lighter.

How does the UPA do that? I don't know exactly, as I've not seen every budget of every UPA tournament and I've only personally directed one tournament (it wasn't UPA sponsored). Maybe they already do this, but if the UPA were willing to assume some of the financial risk of every UPA Championship Series tournament (in exchange for capitalizing on a percentage of their profits), I'm sure individuals would be more willing to step up. The UPA Event Hosting outline doesn't explicitly address who pays and who profits.

It was not long ago that tournament fees were regularly just $100, but those were the kinds of tournaments run on "ultimate time." The transition to better run and more expensive events happened quickly. Maybe the trend needs to continue.

Bottom line, TDs need not be afraid of making more money and UPA should not only encourage them to make a buck, but help them do it (by promoting the event and supporting the TD's decision to do so). For tournaments such as Regionals, with literally 1000 players, an extra $5 per player goes a long way toward the TDs' pocketbooks, without affecting the individual player's budget. This is especially true in the Central Region this year. A centrally located regional tournament could save hundreds of individuals literally hundreds of dollars each. I know I'd gladly rather choose to personally pay a TD $200 for a tournament within driving distance, than spend $400 on a plane ticket and rental car. Now multiply that by 10 teams of 20 players each.

Is there a TD out there willing to put in a good bid in Chicago and get paid $40,000?

Tulsa spelled backwards ...

The "official" word on Central Regionals is that it will take place in Tulsa, whose state's abbreviation is ironically "okay." It will require roughly 10 hours and 33 minutes drive time for me and my Minneapolis counterparts to get to Tulsa. Taking a rough guess at the average drive time of the players on elite teams competing for spots at Nationals, I'd say it's around 12 hours. Yikes.

Alternatively, they can always spend $250+ on a plane ticket. Sorry Big Ass Truck.

Maybe it's less time or money for some of the teams not competing for a Nationals bid, but what's the drive time or price tag threshold for teams not playing to advance? How many teams who are going to win two games or less will drive 6+ hours to attend, particularly since the Regionals format tends to "eliminate" teams in fewer games?

I said it far more concisely on RSD, but a distantly located Regionals does not promote growth. It hinders it. Let's face it, some teams have a greater vested interest in Regionals. The UPA's efforts should tend to cater to those loyal, committed groups.

Timmy's point about players in the region whining needing to step up to put in a bid is valid, but becoming less legitimate by the minute. The UPA is now generating a 7 figure revenue. Granted, it's still run heavily by volunteer work. But the fact is, as ultimate (and the UPA) matures, more and more players are graduating into more administrative roles (Greg Williams, George Cooke, that one observer guy with the mustache and aviators, etc.). As a UPA member, I expect the UPA to begin leveraging these resources more effectively to improve competition. More precisely, rather than accepting the best submitted bid, they need to be more proactive to ensure excellent bids are submitted.

Here's to hoping the Ultimate Revolution puts it into action.

Another Season, Another Club Team

This my 8th season playing club ultimate ushers in yet another club team to add to my resume: The Van Buren Boys. Not once have I played consecutive seasons for the same club team. I did play for Moe in 2003 and 2006, and it remains as the only team with which I have played 2 seasons.

Year 0: U of M B team
I had been on the team for literally 6 days when I played at UPA Club Sectionals for the first time. This is year 0 because I literally had no idea the context in which I was playing. I was simply told I could play in a tournament that weekend if I paid something like $35. I didn't know where the money was going, I just knew I wanted to get into shape again and compete for something. Jason Curtis was our fearless captain and Dave Perry screamed at me a lot in the games about all the things I was doing wrong. It didn't matter to him that we were a B team and I had only been playing for 6 days. It reminds me that last summer in TCUL, Dave Perry melted down in a game so badly and for such an absurd reason, that both my and his team asked him to leave. That's the only time I've ever seen someone's own team ask that someone to leave midgame.

Year 1: Zero
At this point in my career, Minnesota such a riff raff organization and ultimate was so much younger than it is today that I wasn't even really aware of the difference between some independent tournament that Gustavus would host and the UPA Series. Ultimate was ultimate to me. The leaders of our team didn't really explain the context of our competitions as it related to our team goals. I don't know if we even had team goals then. In any case, a few of our resident team leaders put together a club team that would come to be known as Zero -- because, as they explained it, we were to be better than Sub Zero. I had no idea who or what Sub Zero was. Oh yes, and we were a Mixed team. I honestly cannot remember how we finished that year or who we played. My complete lack of comprehension of our competitive context is probably to blame. Nonetheless, I'm relatively sure that had we played Sub Zero, they would have beaten us.

Year 2: Yellow Number 5
A handful of mostly U of M boys. I was duped on to this team, being told I would be something like the 12th man. Well, for 1 of the tournaments, I was the 7th. We picked up a couple Quebequians that stalled in French at FUCT. I also broke my rib (the first time) in a summer league game this year, then reinjured it 2 more times by coming back too early. That year in TCUL, I had the worst loss of my ultimate career, having been ahead 14-7, and losing 17-15. Club wise, I think I actually played the series with the Minnesota college team and I have no idea how we did. I still was a little unaware of what "club" ultimate was all about.

Year 3: Hot Action/XXY
In what would become maybe the second biggest mistake of my ultimate career, I ended up making the cut on Hot Action, only to quit a few days later because I wasn't having any fun on the team. As a matter of fact, I was miserable. I ended up joining Paul Norgaard's Mixed team, XXY, with aspirations of qualifying for Nationals. Well, of course, Hot Action went on to qualify, and we didn't even make it to a game-to-go. The team was, however, the germinating seed of what would become the Nationals qualifying Flaming Moe team, with Wade, Vu, Rita, Paul, Rachel, and me. The SJU/SBU portion of the group really helped catapult the team into contention, not only by themselves being awesome, but by helping to recruit the excellent talent that seems to come from there.

Year 4: Flaming Moe
This season was the first crossroads of my career. So much stuff happened.

I'm told that I was the last to make Flaming Moe this year (2003) and that the captains vehemently disagreed on whether to take me. This season was also the closest I ever came to making Sub Zero. I made it to the last cut, but as was revealed to me, it basically came down to me or a still wet-behind-the-ears Dan "Q-tip" Miller. At the time, I felt disappointed. I was surprised, too, especially since some of the friends that I did have the team felt I was going to make it. But in retrospect, I'd have taken Dan over me, too. It certainly paid off for Sub Zero and I'm sure Wisconsin wouldn't complain, either. I still can't help wondering what would have been different for me had I made the team. As it was, I learned more about handling in just those tryouts than cumulatively in the rest of my career (somewhat because, before the tryouts, I hadn't done much handling at all). Looking back, I find it very telling that I very nearly made Sub Zero, but I also very nearly got cut from Flaming Moe.

Around the same time as tryouts, Minnesota asked me to captain the team in 2004. I accepted.

By the end of the Moe season, I was on starting line and playing all the key points. My best memory of the team is probably making the upwind layout catch on the first point of the Sectional finals against Hot Action, then getting a celebration injury when the team rushed the field toward me. Wade, who had thrown the break throw to me, raced into me and drilled his shoulder into my jaw. It hurt for about 3 weeks, but regardless, that moment was one of the most exciting of my career.

At Regionals, we lost just two games, both 11-10, one in pool play and one in the back door bracket semi. In the back door bracket, we were up 10-7, too. Had we called a time out, killed some clock, we'd have won 10-9. It begs the question, is killing the clock with a time out a noble way to win a game in ultimate? I say when your season on the line, when months of hard work can be punctuated so bitterly and so disappointingly, who gives a shit about nobility. Just win.

In the end, Moe took 7th at Regionals, having lost just those 2 games. It sparked a small debate on RSD that enlightened me and infuriated a couple Moes.

It seemed like the season for me was littered with moments like the ones in the Woody Allen film Match Point. The tennis ball hits the tape, bounces up, and can come down on one side or the other. One side, good fortune. The other, perhaps defeat. Is it better to be lucky or good? Or, perhaps in my case, would it have been better to have sucked than to be unlucky?

I have a feeling some anonymous commenter will say that the events of my season weren't because I was unlucky. Seriously Kev, just log in and make those comments. I know it's you.

Years 5-8 (FOE, Ding Wop, Flaming Moe, Van Buren Boys) yet to be detailed . . .

Boozetown Invinationals

Van Buren Boys have recorded their first victory of the season. You can stop holding your breath now.

First game, point trading to 10-10 against GOAT, cap goes on. We pull, GOAT scores the next two. We had so many drops in this game. And our non-existent offensive scheme was running like we practiced it: not at all. At 11-10, GOAT threw at least 7 passes that were high and floaty that we failed to knock down and were caught by someone other than the intended receiver. Nonetheless, they scored the upwinder. We lost. Maybe it's funny to say, but I think the game was just a few mistakes away from us winning by 5 or 6.

The second game belonged to Truck Stop. Our offense was still firing on no cylinders and we had even more drops and plenty of throw-aways. It felt like we were in reach most of this game, but it just wasn't happening. 15-11 loss.

Third, we had Zebra Muscles. Right away, we determined that they weren't capable of a good forehand huck so we slapped on a forehand force and protected the deep. Forcing a lot of throws, they'd eventually turn it. Perhaps not the greatest individual defensive effort, but good defensive scheming resulted in a historic win (the first) for the VBB. 15-2.

Play-in game to the quarters, we had HOV. These guys had a bit of a chip on their shoulder. They were losing and spiking on us. They also once picked up the bricked pull, walked about 2/3 of the way to the brick, then sprinted the last 1/3 away from the mark. We later comically did a similar thing and our team laughed while they asked us, "it's not illegal, why are you whining about it?" I guess I'm kind of glad they thought we were whining instead of what we were actually doing: namely, mocking them. We didn't take this game seriously at all (and we probably should have, because I'm sure it could have gotten out of hand), but we wound up winning 15-10 anyway.

Quarters, we got Boston. Their O line turned it 0 times. Their D line probably turned it around 5 times. 15-4. We barely put up a fight. I hope that teaches us to warm up better.

Fifth place semis, we had Mephisto. Again, we weren't really taking them all that seriously, but we managed to come up with a couple breaks early on and took half 8-6 when we started to realize how good these guys were. In fact, in the second half, their O line had 0 turns. Our O line had a few, but still managed to convert on 7 of 7 chances to win the game for us, 15-12.

Then all but 9 of our players left for the airport. Good thing we didn't make the finals! Pike wanted a game. Badly. We agreed to a game to 13. With about the junkiest zone I think we'll play all season, we forced turns early on and jumped out to a 3-1 lead. We gave back a few breaks, though, and had just a 1 point lead at half. Kev assigned me to the deep in the zone because, as he put it, if I remember correctly, I am so good in the air and so quick on fast breaks. He'll probably talk a lot about it in his blog. Anyway, we ran out of steam after being ahead 9-8, allowing a 4 point run, then rattling off a couple before losing 13-11.

My personal play roller coastered. At the first practice I attended, given the competition, I thought I was drafted way too high for our scrimmage, but my captain revealed that between a certain other blogging VBB and me, "Lou just makes sick catches, so I had to pick Lou." The thing you've got to get comfortable with on the VBB, is that everyone exaggerates a million times an hour. Well, everyone but me, I haven't exaggerated in a thousand years. But the point is, I guess I've made an early impression that I make some cool looking catches. It was really just one catch past Dave "when is Tai's next birthday" Karsten on a floaty pass to another handler. Regardless, I guess I've never felt that to be big part of my arsenal. Nevertheless, I did make a neat catch really early in the first game as a result of my poor upline cut. And yet another tournament has gone by without a drop. Last season I had 0 drops and I think the same is true of 2005, but my 2005 blog records were lost when I moved out from my old internet and into the new google, so I can't say that with 100% certainty.

My two other big streaks came to an end, though. I got handblocked in our game against GOAT and threw a callahan in our game against Boston. I can't recall the last time I got handblocked and I can't recall ever throwing a callahan. For the callahan, I made a weak attempt to stop the roll on a high pull, the disc made like an olympic vaulting gymnast and stuck the landing: Zero bounce. And zero bounce equalled zero stopping, but not before I touched the disc ever so insiginifantly. It rolled out the back and I had to take it on the back endzone line. I tapped it in and immediately threw to Mike, who was immediately cutting upline. His cut was so good in fact, that he froze his defender, who's surely blogging about the easiest callahan of his ultimate career at this very moment. I really don't understand why I'm so bad at stopping the roll sometimes. My last season in baseball, as shortstop, I had 0 errors. Good luck finding someone to help you work on that skill, Louis.

Stat wise, I didn't keep track as well as I should have. I'm pretty sure I had about 5 turns on Saturday and 2 on Sunday. Except for the hucks (2 for 4, I think), I think they were all D'd up, rather than uncatchable passes to an open man.

For D, I was good and bad. I barely ever got to guard handlers and when I did get to, I did well. There were a lot of people on the team competing over who got to guard handlers, and it wasn't that important to me to fight for it. On receivers, I was doing well guarding the underneath, but I was handing out free trips to the endzone like a travel agent with an overstock of gift certificates. It got ugly. The big problem for me was that our opponents were just smarter than I'm used to. What would frequently happen is that my guy would be 30 yards from the disc and I'd be shutting him down underneath AND there was another receiver (and his defender) deeper than me. Then the deepest cutter would clear quickly underneath, someone would get open for a 15-20 yard gain underneath, have no mark for a couple seconds, and I was toast. So one second I was doing really well, but the cutters and throwers would move quickly and smoke me. I'm going to need to start anticipating that faster since it happens much much faster in Open than in Mixed. Of all the times I was scored on, though, only 2 were up wind. One was a break. The other, I had help over the top that was right there. Oh yeah, and one time in the Zebra Muscles game, my guy caught it deep off a huck, but not in the endzone and I should have peeled off to guard the receiver, but I stayed on the mark and BOOM ... footblocked the guy, my second one of the day. His team was really pissed at him for not calling a time out, but who can blame the guy when he's got 2 on 1 at the goal line. I guess I did lead the team in point blocks, so that's good. And during one point, a disc was floating up and the opponent's two tallest guys were there, as well as Joe Brisbois and I D'd it -- ahem, well, COLLEGE D'd it. It got caught after my deflection. Oh, and I guarded Kurt Gibson for a few points and he never touched the disc.

In all, the flashes of brilliance are a sign of things to come for VBB. And I personally had an amazing time about which I hope to say more in another post, since this one is about twice as long as it should be already.

Bottom line, the Van Buren Boys have now arrived, but have much work to do. You can commence holding your breath now.

What NOT to write about

My latest writer's blog block has more to do with which subject to write about first than what to write about. I have a long list of things I've been trying to poignantly address for all you loyal readers out there, but have not found the time to write them in the edge-of-your seat fashion that they deserve. On the short list is a TO post and a response to the negative feedback I received following a recent post (through comments and live and in-person exchanges).

For now, just a quick note to say that the club season nears. What are you doing to get ready? I've been lifting since December. I weighed roughly 175 pounds then. I began dedicatedly lifting with the intention of trying to get below 170. I hadn't counted on my lifting to surprise the crap out of me and account for almost 10 pounds of muscle added. I almost hit 185 when I saw a Jack LaLanne infomercial and decided, what the heck, I'm gunna eat healthfullier (imagine that were a word). I hope to reach a conclusion regarding my question. Now I'm at about 180 and am well on my way to towing 70 boats with 70 people from the Queen's Way Bridge in the Long Beach Harbor to the Queen Mary on my 70th birthday.

But then I read about Cliff Young tonight and I think I might give up dieting, the gym, and wristwatches to take up sheep farming.

But not until I'm 61.

Mo[vi]e on DVD

Moe appears in 3 "highlights" on the UltiVillage DVD. I'm in one of them allowing my guy to cut up field on the break side while I poach the dump. Of course, an easy break to my guy is followed by an easy huck to a wide open receiver. I'm bummed because that was the point after I made a similar play where, instead of essentially allowing a goal, I intercepted a pass on the dump followed by a forehand to Jeanine for a goal and the break. Why couldn't THAT play have made the highlight reel?

Also not making the video was Jake's awesome spike that literally bounced higher than his head (I realize that's not saying much) and would have been the best clip in the spike montage, had it not been left on the cutting room floor.

I learned later that the pass I intercepted was intended for a man I spent considerable time on the phone with in 2004 after my eligibility stupidity: Josh Greenough. I wish I had known. I'd have liked to have a conversation with him.

So ... I bought the team package DVD set from UltiVillage, which was supposed to guarantee Flaming Moe 5 minutes of highlight footage on the DVD. Rob reneged on his promise due to our failure to have any important games of interest to the general ultimate viewing audience beyond Thursday. In an effort of good will, he did provide DVDs of all the Moe footage he captured. How do I feel about that? Well, the 3 clips that made the final cut are among those that portray Moe the most poorly of all the footage. I don't feel good about that. I don't blame him, but I still feel cheated, since I wouldn't have made the team package purchase without the 5 minute guarantee. He asked me about it, but I've not yet responded and I am undecided on how I will.

Which brings me to ... I have several of the DVDs available for $35 ($13 cheaper than ordering from UltiVillage). If you want one, email me at hotlou@gmail.com.

UPA Championships

I thought I'd better write about the UPA Championships while it's still fresh in my mind.

I actually feared this delay in posting may occur considering the ensuing lack of interest in ultimate that invariably follows the end of the season. Having realized my fear, I took the precaution of recording my stats in a planner after each game. Problem was, that planner belongs to a girl whom I'm no longer dating. She was, I believe, one of about 3 non-ultimate playing, non-familial spectators at the UPA Championships. Why is that? I have lots of ideas, but that's for another entry, scheduled to be written in October.

Of 2009.

Anyway, so I don't know what my stats were, but I remember going into the last game having fewer turns and more Ds than games played. I also scored a lot. The last game I had a lot of turnovers, though. The entire team did. The game was frontloaded with double digit turnover points. I wasn't on the field for any of them, thankfully. That visit to turnover town, though, caused the time cap to go on just before half time (I believe). Three of my turns in the game were all intended for the same handler, one of which was a downright comical 3 yard dump that probably floated in the air for 5 seconds and was at a catchable height during the entire flight, but was not caught. Ugh. I also had one other overthrow and several punts (something we did too little of, considering the turnfest that it was). Overall, I was very satisfied with my play. I had a lot of touches, I got some clever Ds, I got scored on once, I allowed 2 thrown goals, and I small amount of turns relative to how often I touched the disc and compared to the rest of the team.

For the team, Thursday obviously sucked. We lost all 3 games.

Brass Monkey is the only team we played all year that we could not beat. No way, no how. They overmatched us in just about every way and came to play, in addition to an overwhelming sense of nervousness on our team. It felt like everyone had jitters except for me and Mike.

In our game against Briefcase, we actually led 9-4, and ended up losing 15-12. They went on an 11 to 3 run on us, complements of our O line, who just could not seem to convert. There was a turn on just about every point and a lot of fatigue. And we just seemed to stick with them break after break after break.

It sucked, but I had to miss the Deliverance game. The landlords for our lodging were threatening to kick us out if I didn't pay that day. I left immediately after our Briefcase loss, but with the long trip, the traffic, and the construction, I didn't return until we had already been virtually eliminated. We had to win by more than 3 to avoid needing some serious luck to make the play in game. Deliverance already had 12 points by the time I had my cleats back on. I played my first point of the game when we trailed 14-12 and a huck to my guy was caught over me for a score. In retrospect, I should have told our landlord to shove it. They already had my credit card and we were paying around $3k to be there. The customer is always right. Especially when that customer is me.

Our next 4 games did not feel like Nationals at all. We were at the Thanksgiving dinner kids' table equivalent for fields; the intensity was low; and there was hardly anything at stake (although, I think our victory over the Flycoons did take away a wildcard from the Northwest). For me, my memorable moment was when I made an inspirational timeout speech about how I would not get broken, only to be broken moments later by the classic falling-over backhand. I will say in my defense, however, that the receiver was left completely open on the break side. The intent of my speech wasn't to give permission to leave the receiver wide open.

All in all, I had a good time. A quick highlight summary:

• We stayed in a 5000 square foot penthouse on the beach (pictured above)
  
• We left Nationals with a 4 game win streak
• One night, we cooked mini pizzas from scratch
• The open finals game was phenomenal to watch (Chase layout, that Jimmy Chu D (almost), the accidental catch, and a greatest)
• Playing well, scoring a lot
• Purchase of a 5 ultimate hat
• Learning to love the jacket that I bought even though I didn't like it but I wanted to buy some tourney merchandise
• Taking 2nd in spirit (I had a feeling we might be up there)

Lowlights:

• Spending (basically) an elimination game in traffic in a van
• Moving our best O line handler to D, when our O was already not performing well and our D was already awesome
• Losing Sam to burn out
• Losing to Briefcase
  
• Losing at Scrabble anagrams
• Losing at liar's dice, the game I taught everyone
  
• Picking up a Becky so drunk he could not dial his own phone
• Dyeing my hair blond, only to remember 5 days later that I was to be in 2 weddings in the following 8 weeks
• Jenni's drunk boyfriend pissing on the carpet in the middle of my room in the middle of the night for about 5 minutes